"Every judgement and criticism is the tragic expression of an unmet need."
"I use the term Nonviolent Communication™ as Gandhi used it - to refer to our natural state of compassion when violence has subsided from our heart. While we may not believe we are 'violent', our words and thoughts often lead to pain for others and ourselves."
- Marshall Rosenberg (creator of NVC).
Many of us are culturally habituated to focus our attention on judgement, blame and diagnosis of self and others, especially when we are in conflict situations. Focusing our attention in this way often results in increased tension, conflict and even violence.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a simple, profound and learnable process that trains us to focus our attention on a different place - the powerful human needs, such as respect, understanding and safety, that are the motivation for everything we do and say. When we focus our awareness on our and others' needs it facilitates deep understanding of self and others. Communicating from this place opens up possibilities for flexible and creative solutions to even the most entrenched conflicts.
The Intention of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
When using Nonviolent Communication we focus our intention on creating an empathic connection through which everyones needs can be met by mutual giving from the heart. Whilst we may not always achieve this, if we can maintain our awareness on this intention when interacting with others, we are more likely to reach mutually satisfying outcomes. The four ingredients of NVC can help us to ground this intention in reality.
The Four Main Ingredients of the NVC process:
When using NVC we focus our attention on four ingredients of communication:
1. Observations free of evaluations and judgements
2. Feelings straight from the heart
3. Needs, values and longings that are causing our feelings
4. Requests expressed clearly in positive action language
We can focus on these four ingredients in three different ways:
- To connect with and understand what is going on inside ourselves (self-empathy);
- To express what is going on inside ourselves to others;
- To connect with what is alive in others (empathy).
The Nonviolent Communication process is a continual dance between these three modes.
The Uses of Nonviolent Communication:
Power over vs Power with:
Many of us are uncomfortable with the word 'power'. This may be because power is often used in our world to dominate and control - to have 'power over' others. When using Nonviolent Communication (NVC), we seek 'power with' - in other words, to use our abilities and resources to get our needs met, whilst at the same time respecting the needs of the other people we are engaged with. In the long run, power with respect is the only way that we can truly meet all our needs. Culturally and globally we are currently at a crossroads. We need to make the transition from a domination style of interaction with others (and also our environment) to a partnership style of interaction. Nonviolent Communication provides a language and methodology to help make this transition.
About Marshall Rosenberg, creator of NVC
Marshall Rosenberg has been pre-occupied most of his life with the answer to two questions. What happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to act violently and exploitatively? And conversely, what allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature even under the most trying circumstances?
Not satisfied with the answers to these questions from his training in clinical psychology, Marshall Rosenberg searched more widely. His explorations included the study of religion and anthropology, and the work of other psychologists, including Carl Rogers, Abraham Maslow and Albert Ellis.
Called upon to help resolve conflicts during the period of desegregation in America in the 1960's, Marshall Rosenberg has been working in the field of conflict resolution ever since. Gradually over the years, his distinctive approach to conflict resolution and communication has evolved. He has supported people from many countries, including Rwanda, Burundi, Nigeria, Israel and the Palestinian territories, Serbia, Croatia and Sri Lanka. He has also worked with people from many backgrounds, including police, street gangs, serial killers, teachers, students, counsellors, couples, business representatives, and religious groups.
Marshall Rosenberg chose the name Nonviolent Communication to refer to Gandhi's philosophy of 'ahimsa' or 'nonviolence'. Marshall shares Gandhi's belief that true peace between people is achieved only when violence has subsided from the heart, to be replaced by compassion.
About the Centre for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC):
The Center for Nonviolent Communication was established by Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of NVC, in 1984 to share the skills of Nonviolent Communication worldwide.
Currently more than 200 trainers from the CNVC are providing training in 65 countries. Reports from the last two suggest suggest approximately 250,000 people are receiving training in NVC annualy.
To find out more about NVC visit the website www.cnvc.org
View online video clips of Marshall Rosenberg through our NVC Media page.
"We should all be grateful to Marshall Rosenberg. He provides us with the most effective tools to foster health and relationships." - Deepak Chopra
Deepak Chopra made NVC the subject of his November 2005 web-letter. Read it by clicking here.
"The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart of successful communication." - Anthony Robbins
Nonviolent Communication 